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Typical
Bollywood Movie |
If the number of
heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess
heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the
end of the movie.
If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other
savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).
Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord".
If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be
sustained. Else, it will be overruled.
The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend
(i.e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the
villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.
In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even
on a bullock-cart, or on foot.
When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss
(unless the hero is required to die).
Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a
stack of
a) pots
a) barrels
a) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.
Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song
sung by
a) the brothers
a) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in
order to regain her sight in the climax)
a) the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song
after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2
minutes after coming out of the theatre.
Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in
three categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed
by the villain before the titles.
b) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying "Tum
kanoon se bach nahin sakte", only to pat him in the back in
reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with
the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's
sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in
the climax. |
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